This weekend sees the release of yet another remake of yet another much-loved, Classic Genre film, as director Len Wiseman tries to make us forget Paul Verhoeven’s ultra-violent, R-Rated CLASSIC, Total Recall.

PHOTO CREDIT - SonyPictures.ca

Edmonton - August 2, 2012 - This weekend sees the release of yet another remake of yet another much-loved, Classic Genre film...

...as Len Wiseman - director of 2 of the Underworld films (starring his wife, Kate Beckinsale, who also stars in this film), tries to make us forget Paul Verhoeven’s ultra-violent, R-Rated CLASSIC, Total Recall. Ummmm…yeah, good luck with that, Lenny. First off, Paul Verhoeven is responsible for some of the greatest (and most slyly subversive) genre films of the 80’s and 90’s, with hits such as Robocop, Basic Instinct, Total Recall, and Starship Troopers to his credit (the less said about Showgirls the better). Len Wiseman’s track record consists of 2 ‘just okay’ Underworld flicks and the last (kinda lame) Die Hard movie. And did I mention this remake is rated...PG-13??!! That means none of the over-the-top gore of the original, just a bunch of lame CG.

But this is not to say that Total Recall is a ‘guaranteed’ disaster, for many a dreaded remake in the last few years have lived up to the bar set by the original…while just as many have failed...

HALLOWEEN (2007) - one of the biggest debacles in motion picture history, Rob Zombie’s ‘re-imagining’ of John Carpenter’s terrifying 1978 classic remains the litmus test for how ‘not’ to do a remake. Zombie’s take on what was a nearly bloodless yet utterly blood-curdling original is loud, obnoxious, violent beyond belief, misogynistic, badly-acted, badly-directed, badly-written, and just plain ugly. VERDICT: Avoid this one like the plague, and stick to the original.



FRIGHT NIGHT (2011) - Hmmm, just like Total Recall, this one also stars Colin Farrell. But while the original was a somewhat cute if forgettable horror comedy, the remake is a vast improvement - with Farrell in particular chewing up the scenery like he’s having the time of his life. A box-office misfire, this is one very overlooked and under-rated remake that comes highly recommended. VERDICT: Don’t bother digging up the original on Netflix, have a blast with this fun and gory thrill-ride.



PIRANHA (2010) - here’s a rare case where it’s easy to recommend BOTH versions, but for entirely different reasons. Joe Dante’s clever and scary 1978 original rose above its low-budget, Jaws-lite origins, and with a smart and funny script by John Sayles (Lone Star), delivered one of the year’s most pleasant surprises - both critically and commercially. In 2010, High Tension director Alexander Aja unleashed this furiously-paced and utterly ferocious 3D bloodbath on an unsuspecting populace. Featuring more blood, boobs, and beasts than you would think possible - not to mention a better-than expected cast that includes Elisabeth Shue, Adam Scott, and Jerry O’Connell - Piranha 3D is a blast. VERDICT: See ‘em BOTH!





DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004) - Before 300 and Watchmen made him such a superstar filmmaker, relative unknown Zach Snyder wowed audiences with his audacious, high-energy remake of George Romero’s undisputed 1978 classic (geez…1978 really was a helluva year, wasn’t it?). Breaking with tradition and making his zombies lean, mean, and FAST, purists initially balked - especially since the source material was considered sacred ground. But wouldn’t you know it? With a smart script, top-notch cast (Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Jake Weber, and - yes - Modern Family’s great Ty Burrell!), and crisp direction, Snyder’s blood-drenched epic managed to win over even die-hard skeptics like myself, delivering a film that deservedly became a genre classic in its own right. VERDICT: though Romero’s original remains one of the greatest horror films ever made, I can definitely say see ‘em BOTH in this case!





A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2010) - after achieving fantastic box-office returns with its Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th reboots, Platinum Dunes (Michael Bay’s genre-film micro-studio) decided to tackle the most beloved serial killer the 80’s had to offer: Freddy Krueger. With the brilliant casting of Jackie Earle Haley as Krueger, there was reason for great hope…until we saw the actual movie - a long and boring slog that made absolutely no one forget Robert Englund or the inventive original series of films. VERDICT: See the endlessly inventive and influential 1984 original, and SKIP this cure-for-insomnia of a remake.



THE HILLS HAVE EYES (2006) - French filmmaker Alexander Aja’s second film on this list, making him a bit of the ‘go-to’ guy when you want a remake done right. What’s great about this very scary (and mega-violent) reboot is that (much like ‘Piranha’), he’s remade a film that is really only known to hardcore horror movie fans. Unlike a Halloween or Nightmare on Elm Street �" both of which were incredibly successful, series-spawning films that were seen by mainstream audiences - Hills Have Eyes was best known as ‘the movie E.T.’s mom was in before E.T.’, more famous for being Scream (and Nightmare on Elm Street) director Wes Craven’s second film. This reboot is fantastic - beautifully shot and edited, suspenseful, exciting, and definitely not for the squeamish. VERDICT: See ‘em BOTH!





Other remakes worth CHECKING OUT:
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
- Friday the 13th (2009)
- My Bloody Valentine (2009)
- The Ring (2002)
- The Crazies (2010)

Other remakes to AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE:
- The Stepford Wives (2004)
- Prom Night (2008)
- The Stepfather (2009)
- The Fog (2005)
- The Wicker Man (2006)

What are some of your favorite and LEAST favorite remakes?

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